ADD ONS: Siewfong went to watch fireworks with me as well on the 23rd of august. :P

met up with peishan laopo, liying,shaowei and jerome to watch kallang roar for free. thank shaowei! this show is intersting as it talks about singapore football. i think its meaningful and its a movie that shows appreciation for the coaches.

at this very instance, i don't feel quite happy. maybe its because i missed the fireworks today, maybe because i didn't attend the lights ceremony for the lantern festival ( visit central, chinses garden )or maybe its because of msges. we haven't been talking for long, come to think of it, it might be a good thing because of his heartless behaviour, it makes it clearer for me and to move on easier? i don't ever want to fall in love with anyone else. it isn't something proud for me to say how many exs i have. its shows how many times i failed.





well i think because i went back home late on fridays, and sat morning it was raining, it makes me feel good lazing around my bed.supposed to meet sokpeng, jiang zhe ming ( joshua) and kelvin sis, but in the end, sokpeng overslept. i love the rain and the feeling of being in an umbrella hoho. we watched forgetting sarah marshal. its quite a nice show though it has quite a bit of RA contents. but if u just focus on the meaning of the show basically, what i could figure out was - to forget your ex, get a new love. hahas. quite stupid logic thou.

agreed to meet jr and his friends to play pool @ hougang but because there were some minor isuse, ended up eric came to join me and my friends. played pool for like the first time in about 1 year or so? quite enjoy the process as it's been long and i lost touch of it. lucky, i didn't meet jr n frens if not i would have been thrashed. ever since the break up, i never liked going home. i don't like to be alone. fri and sat seems like a late night event thingy for me. i don't like that.

eric called benson to pick us up and blah blah.. in the end we went hougang 401 to eat/drink water. hahas. chat with eric alot about the past concerning, weiliang,benson, him and me. its kind of interesting to know that he hates me b4. nice talking to him. at the v least, he makes me think that my break up isn't as worst as his. reach home at 4am? yet i had to wake up like 11 am today.



went to school as usual, brought them to central to shop as well as to eat. first time i ate japanese food at a very nice setting. the food isn't very expensive like what i had imagine thou. but forgot the restaurant's name already. there's a lot of places in mind that i want to visit, i am suppose to complete it with him, hai.. now we are like strangers. " 最熟悉的陌生人”i think i know what it stands for by now. pyschoed sindy to bought a dress from my shop and went back home to sleep. i really needed a rest. after the break up, i think i've been trying to keep myself out late and later. its kinda strainful to my body i guess. i am getting heaty. cough, sore throat never fails to haunt me each time.

went to piano class alone. i think i am getting use to it already. even b4 the break up i also go piano alone and meet random friends after that. was trying to find people to go out with me, didn't like the idea of going home on friday. same was sokpeng. so we decided to ahng out together and swee leng came along. she treated me to fish and co. thank you! but i think tt makes my cough worsen in a way? lucky, i managed to get myself dated out on a saturday. when will this ever stop?



i brought umbrella to school =) hahahs. After class head off to raffles city to eat mos burger. after that my face went red.. only siewfong knows the reason. lol. tmr is a free day ! let's go out. hahas.





happy birthday to Low Rou Ting. the new member of my family. i think she's gona be very tall as her limbs are pretty long. should be a pretty lady when she grows up because she got a "ting" in her name too. her name in chinese characters are nice but when it comes to english, its a bit hard to pronounce man.

to all the august baby friends of mine : Eric Low, Cai Li Ting, Gek Hui, Priscillia Happy Birthday too =)

still have problems with my throat. and i believe that the rain has made in worst for me. been sneezing the entire day. sobx. to him :hope that after you visit the specialist, he made good comments for u. update me about it someway, someday that you wish. been days, since we chatted, read your blog, your command of english is good. whahahs! please bring along umbrella everywhere u guys go man, be extra careful when you are wearing slippers as i witness 2 falls today. School workload is coming in, more stress more work. next week is going to be a sch break, but i still have school work commitments. Eager for next wed to come by.














Yesterday was a great day. it rained like the entire day. i was sleeping so nicely except the fact that my dad inist that i wake up and not to rot at home. i think he is crazy. i go out, he complain i go out, i stay home, he chase me out. ask me to go out with friends. -.- wonder that exactly is he thinking? i was thinking who shall i call but luckily, jerome msg me and ask me out for dinner. well, that also saves me to look for people to go out. THANKS! hahas.

went out with him to have dinner at xin wang, it quite nice of him to come out while he was limping. hahas. he injured his knee while he was running the marathon that i don't know but it seems like most people is running for it too. while, chatting i realize he had got his license in july- the unintentionally lie. hahas. if u are reading this. *HPM* basket. lols. don't show off. later on he send me to kallang mrt while i meet my parents for movie. 12 lotus, its super boring. i wanted to sleep man. stupid show. got a msg from HIM, but i don't know why there's no reply after that. hai..

today i went to ikea to eat with my classmate, my first time to dine at ikea. i didn't try meatballs but the spagethii isn't that bad thou =) sore throat -.- hate that. i wonder why am i always getting that.maybe i should start talking less. whahahs.. damn it.



add on for yesterday: thanks shaowei for "sending" me home. whahhas.. peishan i love u ! you promised to marry me. ferlin thanks for "pei" me. paul " thanks for answering all my question.

it rained the whole day. it makes my mood better. though people are like complaining that the rain is affecting their movements, but i simply love them. met kailin, joan at parkway parade. our initial plans was to go east coast to cycle first and only go for the rmt gathering. but since it was raining, we decided that we shall just marina square. there, we meet ferlin. everywhere we go, we see friends and so was like hi's and bye's.. in the evening timing, met deanne, andrew ( her fren ),gekhui, benson,jianrong,weiliang,weiliang new gf, edwin for the fireworks. don'treally know if they could click but once again THANKS FOR WATCHING THE FIREWORKS WITH ME! IT'S BRILLLIANT.! i love u guys! =P i promise that the next time i date your for fireworks, we will have dinner first - to stop your from nagging too . hahas. oh ya SRY WEILIANG! i forgot to call u. damn u too. sounded so freaking fierce over the phone. make me so scare. well.. i always hated anyone to talk to me louder than their usual tone. so.. was kinda pissed to. but my fault so..

we went there at about 820 ? i was super gan chiong because i wanted a good view. i mean i bring so many friends along as well, of course i couldn't get them to watch at a view whereby its blocked. of course, i wanted a good view myself =) had fun ! cheers. today fireworks was nice. there's is really always something special for every fireworks there is and will be a difference.

went for dinner @ swensens and head home. msged jerome and told him about the fireworks. poor him have to stay in camp. hahas. i wonder if u had fun @ flyer, haven't been talking anyways.

oh dear, had milk shake float @ nite, now i am suffering from it .=(



indeed, fireworks is the other way to make myself feel more refreshed and happier. started off with a bad dream in the morning, woke up crying and felt a bit scare.can't really remmber what i had dreamt. need a hug,but " take care" is all i get. thank sister kelvin for calling. i don't understand why do i cry when i have bad dream. can't i just get bad dreams?

went off to central and get food for siewfong first, then, it rained heavily. so i had to carry an umbrella off to piano. yes.. excited about the fireworks. went to meet peishan,shaowei,ferlin and paul and head off to esplanade to get the best view. luckily today rained, there were lesser crowd than usual thou. peishan's friends came to join us as well and the fireworks were nice. i had the best view on the bridge being the first in line by the railings. =) today fireworks were colorful. i love them. its not boring, it not something that its the same over and over again.

thanks all of them for the company. it was wonderful and it made the fireworks even nicer =) will update the pict after tmr's fireworks =)



whahas had an interesting class today. i always like this subject. thou its about organization behaviour.. it can easily be related to life scenario. after class, darren suggested that we go sing kbox. i was abit reluctant, cause i am not feeling rich recently. but the rest were like peer pressure. hahas. we went to ljs at clementi with quite a few of us. but in the end.. only left 4 of us. -.- angie had to go out with her bf to celebrate their anni. darren face kinda weird when he saw angie and her bf. i think that guy is irritating but nice in his own ways la. but uhm.. complicated triangle.

i got lost while i went out to the toilet. the kbox man was like bringing me around to find my room. instead i found munwei in a room. hahahs.. and after that see him everywhere. had fun singing. the first time i am with a grp of people tt are really so crazy. their energy level is like full forever. lols.



u showed me your blog. i think u show me n tell me now because its your personal thing. u wanted me to understand how u feel. is it because u wanna tell me its time to move on because we don't fit?

i read your blog. i can't help but think that u changed because u were already tired of me. i know u tried. but i can't stop myself from feeling sad that u had thought of a break up then. are we blinded because we were tired?

i just want to let u know that everyone has its way of loving someone. the amt of love i gave may not be the most to u but i am sure i had used up every love i had.but perhaps it isn't what u want..

maybe i shouldn't have read the blog. maybe u should have suggested the break up earlier on. its ure private post. i don't blame u. but i can't stop myself from being upset. sry. i know this break up is last le. i won't anyhow think le. i will jiayou to make u be my fren.




its either i am trying to keep myself super busy or i am really enjoying the life i have now. but come to think of it, the life i am leading now isn't much different from the past 2 weeks. every morning attend class and attend training at time. keeps my mind of the break up. so i think will be fine although yupp i will miss him. but which freak can manage to forget things so fast?

after class today, went to play badminton. cool man.. i beat all of them. well.. most of it also because they keep hitting out.OUT! while playing the game, it is the only moment whereby i truly had nothing on my mind except enjoy, entertain and win. whahash.. hahaas. after that i went ahead to teach tuition. gosh.. the kid is really horrible.i spend most of my time screaming at him. bad boy!

i msg him last nite about the anni thingy. he replied. i was kinda of happy. thou question if he was asleep has been flashing, i asked but he never reply anymore. i know he won't anyway. he said that " it just not the same as how he countdown last time". has he moved on? hahas.. it ends tonight, it ends tonight. finding someone u can't live without is something that requires big big ability, as it its painful.













Love Theory- Mine

1. always support and respect each other
2. never abandon another in times of needs
3. agree to allow disagreement, respect all views
4. always take a time out in bad times
5. always communicate at all times
6. have passion and fun in the relationship =)
7. as long as i get to see u, everything else is worth sacrificing.

what is an exception today, will be a norm for tomorrow.

I finally figured out that i didn't break up with him because of the girl, not because of the prob we had, but the attitude that we both are giving each other. i msged him to tell him this but he didn't reply i know he won't but i hope that if he ever read this post, i don't want us to end hating each other. things that i said that might have hurt u i am sorry. i might have been harsh and hated u @ the moment, but come to think of it, " we hug in diff ways" teacher says its difference in perception ( marketing ) .

Hope you are fine, i don't regret loving u the way i had.

to all my friends, i am going to be fine. its not any of our fault. we just had our different ways that we chose to love each other. ( i grow up in my thinking right ? ) many tells me that his not for me or his not good enough for me. i know its just all words of concern. but i believe, i know what is going on. i just need you guys to be there to keep my mind of this matter. i really don't know if we will end up back together but i know i will not get myself involved with others soon. 2 years ! hahas

been having training at night this few days, i guess it a good form of distraction. date me for fireworks ! n everyday! next week is school holiday for me. its a 1 week break.. so i will be super free.. keep me entertain :P
























i thought that a good way to enjoy myself and make myself happier is to go out with my friends. i wonder if that is right or wrong. went out with kelvin and joshua(jiang zhe ming) whahhas! and ferlin at first to watch love guru. its really funny. i haven't seen myself laughing so much whil ein the movies. after that went to pepper lunch at lido. yumyum.. maybe i was hungry i managed to finish all. and there was a new friend that came along. his name is ke rui. his plump but he is super cute. wanted to hang out with them a while more but i got to rush and meet benson they all. kelvin send me to pasir ris and we had a long chat over the train journey. it made me feel like crying but i managed to stop myself from doing that.

met benson,weiliang,eric,jianrong and tianming. was suppose to go to fisherman to drink! to all! fisherman is open. so stop telling me its not hahs. coz i got photos to say it. met new friends as well.. sally,jeremy,edwiin and another couple. fisherman has a very nice view and i cried in front of all of them. shrugs* didn't expect that. everyone seems shocked but i was glad to know that at least there are people that cares for me =) and eric i am sorry hahas, i didn't know it was suppose to be your pre bdae celebration lols.! we ordered some drinks and took a few pict. weiliang got new gf le! really hope that he can be happy and happier! jr suggested that we go sing and i was ok with it. i mean i'd rather be out than at home.i won't be able to sleep every night and i also will just end up crying isn't it better to have company of my friends?i wanna hug of u guys ytd man.

tianming asked me to ride his bike. i was very reluctant but well.. the rest all have to squeeze into the other 2 car so i went along. i was very scarem because the journey is going to be long and he changed his bike to a sports bike. my 2nd time. =S but it well fine.. i am still alive ! sang k , cried, chat with leslie and jerome on the phone. thanks guys! i hope i can be better. until about 5 plus reach home at 545 am. thought that i will be able to sleep straight away but i couldn't. i know i am abit fan jian. in the end i still msged him. hai.. i know he cares, but he only know how to blame that i think too much, but he nevver bother how i feel. he ask me can i not think too much and what i want. he has been repeating all this. but all this happen because he has no actions to it. he only know how to say he still love me. it feels like he wanna just settle the prob quickly. we had never met since the prob started. how to settle it. leslie suggestesd that if i love him, its either i just forget it and get back together with him or i should just bear with it. i want to . but can i?? can i really don't bother if he pamper me o not?

won't that ill-treat myself. i want to find back myself! where's the liting i once knew. why do i keep crying. i don't think i had cried in front of so many people b4 for any relationship prob. his out today. i am feeling very uneasy. he had never properly say that he never regret being with me and that he don't like her anymore. i hate all the two timers, physically or mentally or even think for a wee bit seconds.

to peishan! we talked for a few hours today. i know u r suffering because of the jerk. but since ure feeling better le. don't think back k !

silly people thinking:
"i would rather u break out with my because i won't hate u for it. and i know i won't be so upset than i were to break with u because i know u will blame me. "







been busy the whole day. finished my previous post. i am happy to annouce that my class size increased again! hahas.. n i had my 1st class outing - to the mac that i had always wanted to go since young. and also.. i have made new friends. they are all very nice people. and it seems that my clique sorta of formed to be become: angie, adrian, davis, sindy, and this "french" guy( darren) hahas..

i will upload the picts soon enough to keep that memories within me. =) went to esplanade for my training took picts again with great view of the singapore flyer from the gallery. i look forward to the time that i will finally get to usher someone. its takes great knowledge and skills to do that thou. amanada and qing xiong are like my partners for esplanade. they are from the same uni and they seems to get closer today hahas. hope they get together =P

i figured out.. i like to be with people. i like to interact, to talk and to be controlled at the lowest level. what could be happier than mixing with friends and people whom i love?



i am not going to blog about my bad r/s anymore.

THANK YOU !

to all my friends whom show me extra concern like jerome and ferlin.

to him. i appreciate you trying hard to strike conversation ytd, esp when u ask me what will i be doing this sat thou it could be better if its asking me more about what i will be doing. I like the idea when u propose that we shall go back to lives few weeks b4. but i stopped. there's a prob. even u know that within this few weeks, u've changed. i don't know if the reason u tell me is true - u said no reason -.-. but i figure out that i shouldn't tell u i am agreeable.

because, to just solve the problem just like that , it wouldn't change the root of the prob. we've been facing this prob many times. Each time, we just try to faster find a way and go on with the life. i don't ever want to face this prob again. i'd rather be sad now all the way than to once again keep feeling hurt as the same prob arises. as usually.. we argued after that. i don't want either of us to be unhappy anymore. esp u. u said that i am the cause of the stress given to u and me because i think too much. its hurts ya.

i seriously don't know how long this thing will drag. but.. someone told me.

" if u lack of passion in doing something, take a break off from it " i think its pretty meaningful. if a person lost its passion towards something, he/she will just get irritated at the slightest manner and will say stupid things to hurt someone they don't intend. but if u have the passion toward something, u will go all out without being told to just make it works, make someone smile. its comes from the heart.

i hope that we both can find back the passion that we once had. 初恋的感觉。。。



i just read rena's blog. my situation like slowly evolving to hers. i don't want to end up like what she had chosen. but now that they have patch back.. i feel happy for her too. through the breakup the only benefit that she gain which is the greatest is that the bf learnt his lesson n not take every actions for granted. whahas.. now he is the one msg-ing her =) congrats. i know every r/s is different but i don't wanna go through the hard way!

don't know what is wrong with my mum. i go to sch, teach tuition, came home about 5. she insist that i go dinner with her and when i don't, she ask siewfong to pyscho me to go and eat. come man. what's her prob of me staying at home. what is so "rot" about that.. i am not rotting. what is wrong with staying at home. its not like i stay home the whole day? when i go out the whole day she also worried. angry



argh.. after this i am not going to think anymore. crazy think until so far! even think until who will celebrate my bdae. whahas..

can i live just based on the fact that he loves me and don't bother about other things?
if i can't, and he also doubt he will change as he is tired, will we end up apart?

i wanna talk to u!　＝）

words of enlightment frm KOR! : Give in more, expect less. If u really need more time, get it from him!

maybe u r a gd bf.. I NEED MORE TIME or at least the same like u just enlist. like dat should be called giving in ? i can't expect anymore lesser hahas.. if not what's the different with a normal friends? LOLS!



its the 2nd official day of sch. made more new friends =) my class size has increased by 1 more guy. he looks like a soloist. he doesn't talk and response. bet on it that he is a foreigner. i sort of got my own clique already. but shall see how it goes. it might change. tmr they are bringing me to the clementi mac at some tea garden. its a different concept of mac. i've passed by it. its the mac that tv prog always feature. as class end early, it gives me time to think n think again.. here goes..

i think i am getting more bored without talking to him at all. this blog seems like a place for me to talk to him. y is everyone seems to be having r/s prob? esp people around me. talked to joyce once again hopefully she could provide some suggestion. but her solution if she were in my shoes will be to break. but i am not thinking about that. i've been thinking every night, finally ytd. i managed to sleep without tearing a single bits. it shows that music therapy helps.

on the bus today i thought of msg-ing him a few times. different msg i have typed. but none seems to be meaningful to send out. but there's something that i wanna tell him .





I just realize that 20th august this year 2008 is a special day for me ! hahahs

and my dear peishan.. seems to be attached! my classmate is the couple that was hugging! hahahs.. =) en aai...



why do people blog only when they are upset. people usually forget to blog about happy things. including me.my blog seems to revolved around my relationship. i want to blog about happy things. i want to pass each night and day without having any tears.

i've been on the verge of breaking up with him. i believe even him also thought about this idea before. i never wanted a break up. all i hope was for him to think over. but i guess i didn't acheieve that. it just made both of us much more unhappy. he thought that i wanted a break up and to me.. his little changed action make me feel that he would like to break up with me. i really don't know man. things have changed so badly.

am i too stubborn. he asked me to get used to it. to lesser msges and attention from me. i told him i can't. i think i can't handle it. i doubt i can get used to everything being lesser. esp when it has already been so little already. i am concern since if now the contact is already so little if i still have to compromise and get use to even more little than little. won't it eventually end up a break up? when's there's no communication how is there suppose to be a good relation. am i wrong to have rejected his idea. or am i too selfish?

i think i am the cause of the failure relationship. i never knew that he doesn't like watching fireworks even with me. i thought that even if fireworks maybe boring. at the least u r watching with the one u loved. it should be very romantic. he used to squeeze through the crowd with me. but now he say that its boring and its the same all the time. i thanks him for companying me. but if i am seeing him so bored, do u think i would have the heart to ask him out for fireworks again? i really would like to watch with him but i daren't ask him out again for fireworks. i don't want to be "childish"..

i think i thhink too much. i don't even know if i should ask him out this sat too based on what we are facing. siewfong told me that i am not selfish. the things i want is the basic from a bf. its really kinda of " fan jian " if a girl keeps taking iniative ma



hao xing ku ar.. i hate it when its the 2nd day of every period. i don't know why but it will hurts like crazy and for most gfs of mine. it happens on the 2nd day too. is there a reason o cure behind it? =( back hurts and tummy hurts but i drag myself to school today. woke up quite early to check if anyone would msg me since its my first day of sch. but nahs.. not him for sure. =(

been thinking about what joyce and jerome told me ytd. perhaps i should really not bother about r/s matter too much. just leave things at it is, don't push too hard. esp when joyce told me how walter used to msg her more but now in uni days he cut them down and how she try to bo hiu it. but for my case.. i msg him more becoz he doesn't msg me and even if i msg him.. there's a risk of him not replying.(did i really overreacted)

went to sch, travlled long distance with hardship man.. the LT is super cold and the couple beside is like so argh.. en aii.. keep hugging each other. perhaps they should just guled themselves up. wanted to give up and go home because i was really in pain but i thought of a phrase that he once told me" don't always think u r sick can" so i struggled on to prove to myself that i'm not someone who always needs someone to be there for me. thou at that point i really hope that one of the car that drives into the sch would be driving me home.

saw my class list there is only 14 people. and it seems like all girls for me. but i haven't met any as today's orientation was like a mass one for all businss course students from bradford,uk. i don't think i will have problem with this school anymore ba. i paid attention to the actions of the lecturers thou! 1. her heels came off whahash 2. he speaks like he is some rally member 3. speaks like a nerd. whahash. but this 3 speakers are cute thou.. at the very least they managed to keep me off the phone thinking that it rang.

22 and 23 aug. there will be fireworks. i am looking forward to it. =")! ferlin is selling the tickets at $10. if anybody one, can just look for me i can help u guys ask. http://www.fireworks.com.sg/

it should work out naturally and if it doesn't.. i believe i've tried.



43 years old means my mum is also 43 as she is born in the year of 1965. yesterday was ndp, my mum and dad supposedly go see the parade but my dad was so lazy that he decided to stay at home because it was raining. lols! my mum and dad wanted to watch the fireworks thou.. so they head out for it. i mean which person doesn't like fireworks?

i love them the most.. but he doesn't really appreciate them. to him.. its a bit waste of time and he hates the standing and the mass crowd. but nevertheless, at the very least, he wil company me go. that was something that make me smile for the entire day that i was with him ba. although he wasn't enjoying it wholeheartdly, that upset me a lil as it seems like i forced him to do it. he said that he was alrights, but i am a girl obviously i could sense that he wasn't 100% enjoying.

watched 2 movies in a day - the mummy and the journey to the centre of the earth. i was trying hard to wake that tired pigg beside me while he watched the movies. i know he was tired. but when we watch the 2nd movie with his friends, he doesn't appear as tired as he was with me. is it me that is boring him? hushush..

i finally open myself up and told him whatever that is troubling me. but it wasn't on the phone. he nevers calls. there's nth much he can do except asking me what do i want from him? hmm.. if i know, i wont' be suffering now rights? now i can fully understand how he felt when he was really feeling v down n low confidence. hahas..

well..well..

tmr will be a better day. i am going to start school ( hopefully no more screwed up) argh.. stupid sch giving me so much trouble b4 it starts. hope it would gives me less time to be thinking nonsence stuff.

---- i want my long hair back!

yeah.. finally get to meet them last fri.. i left earlie. i am sorry. hahas.. for more pictures that we took that day go to facebook or photobucket k! i 've uploaded them there. last week wasn't a very good week because i fall sick randomly. thought that i was ok, but now, its not. i am feeling terrible esp after taking the medicine. the feeling just sucks.

last monday, met with rena to watch superband! glad to see fei zhao is still in . i don't know much about the bands but since i was seated in the place that was supposedly for:feizhao: we supported them too. well they aren't too bad after all.