woke up in the morning, was super hungry. Decided to go down and get my lunch, the whole atmosphere felt silent, peaceful and calm. The wind that hit my skin was cold and there wasn't much people in the streets. it just make my day sad.

calls flooded my hp and house phone, drag myself to answer and it was my mum. i knew she needed help badly today so i knew i couldn't make it for the date with joshua. i don't know if he his unhappy about the about the last min cancellation but i had no choice.( his not ) mum isnt in her best mood this few days. i knew the things she needed help with wasn't much, so i ask joshua if he could change his thurs plan ( helping my mum w the computer) to today since our date is cancel. my intention was like maybe we could go for dinner after that ar. but immediately he told me that his going to the gym -.- to me of coz its an excuse. i mean i am alrights if u tell me say u can't make it and that you prefer going to the gym. but the way he tell me that his going to the gym was like nah i don't wish to help get lost. if he could change it to today wouldn't we have the whole day on thurs. what if thurs his going to take the whole day? Wouldn't we be missing out? he can't seems to understand my good intention. but i know that i shouldn't be forcing my thoughts on him too. argghh... i hate the feeling of quarreling with him on my mum's topic. i mean no matter what its my mum. his trying to be nice to help i know, but to me, once u promised to help than u odd to keep to that promise. its responsiblility already. only after the person did what he/she promise only then people will appreciate . am i thinking on the right track?

i am so afraid he would forget how to fixed the computer. because there is really no one who knows how to fixed it already. my uncle who set the formula yes his the person who set up the thing but there's too much thing for him to remember. everyone blame me say that since joshua is the only one that was being taught about the computer thing and it would be easy to forget shouldn't i get him to do it 2 mths ago. =( but joshua was the one that refused and kept insisting that he was busy. he doesn't know how it felt when peole say bad things about the one i love. n to me, it really feels like my fault.

whenever we reach this topic, before we could say anything or solve anything he will blow up. i know he has his man-ego and to guys its like " i am helping, i am being nice to help" i understand that you help with your own accordance n i should be grateful. i am . but have u helped. dragging this thing will just strained our r/s. that was what i told him today. and hope that he could just get this thing over and done with. i would rather he had not promised to help on this matter long time ago had i knew that he hasn't have the time.

This has nth to do with him

back home at 6. felt so lonely. i felt like i was dumped at home. cold and hungry=( its still raining outside.. i needed a hug. joan just called and dated me out tmr.. it felt good. suddenly feeling that my presence is important and there's someone out there remembering me.

school is starting on monday. how would it be like. kaplan- not the campus life like. would friends still gather after school hours ?